just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
false alarm, still single
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