Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
