$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
