Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
