I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
