Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
