Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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