I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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