Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
