I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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