If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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