I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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