had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
