Banned from zoo.
Again?
even my farts smell like vagina
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
