Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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