Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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