Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
