It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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