Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
