so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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