yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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