i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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