if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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