Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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