Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
