My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
