Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
