Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
