A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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