We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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