his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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