i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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