I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Randomize
