I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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