p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
