based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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