Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
