you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
