if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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