Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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