I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
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