I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
