YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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