she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
