So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
