Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Porn is love you can see.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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