you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
