possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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