I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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