i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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