I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
