It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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