Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
