hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
