The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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