Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
