I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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