So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
