so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
