just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
did i walk over a car last night?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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