I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
do herpes really smell.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
